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About Literature / Artist Lo (Erin)Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 9 Years
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My life is organized by the woman I am in love with,
the god I am worshiping, the therapist I’m seeing;
my thoughts are not mine, and my heart is plastic
set out in the sun too long - red plastic like a child’s
toy. The child is long since gone, and the house
is collapsing from the heaviness of that child’s
secrets. But what’s a heart to a place like this?
Everything is packed, and I am left behind.

The scars of the mother are surely covered by
the communion dress, and the hands of the lover
are dangerous ones. She is throwing rosaries
out into the river. This is no place for us,
she screams. I shut my eyes. I am not here,
but I feel the water moving up my legs.
The hands of the lover are my hands. I look
beautiful on my christening day.

Spiraling is a term therapists’ use when you
enter the hospital again; I didn’t mean to be
that girl that you hate so much. I pick my skin
until there is no skin left. I look like a little alien
child. The parents point at me in the hospital,
surely she isn’t ours. She must belong to somewhere
else. The nurses all feel bad for me; I feel bad
for me too, me in my hospital gown.

I got a text message from God. He says that
he isn’t real and that I should leave him alone.
The father snatches my phone from my hands,
I am the only man you need. The man with the
scary smile; the sounds of the father are covered
by the howls of the daughter, the tiny wolf thing.
I tuck my suicide letter into my copy of Harry Potter,
just like a good girl should. You are bad, she tells me.

I don’t remember feels funny in my mouth.
My lips brush against the microphone;
they are all staring at me, all the people who
saw the flyers in the town, the people with
the shiny, fake bodies and long dragon tongues.
I… my brain is shutting down, all the memories
scatter like scared mice. I want to remember,
but my red plastic heart is withering in my chest.
I used to paint to most beautiful canvases,
but my arms grew weak from the lack of blood,
and each piece would end with me collapsed
before it. Trauma has a way of lifting me
up just to drop me again. My trauma,

The paintbrushes float in the buckets of blood;
the room’s beginning to smell of metal and rotten
sacrifice. I’m misplaced. I am small.

There is no such thing as an artist,
just a product, a desperation that people stare
at under exposed light. They make distant comments
about how it feels to have an insatiable life.
Do I make you feel whole? Is there anything
here for you?

Art is just a form of screaming,
and I’m out of breath from the years.
I have seen enough of Hell to paint
a thousand masterpieces, but my body
rejects this life I’m leading.

The audience steps over me as they exit
the exhibit. All of the doctors, the teachers,
the parents and children. I am left. I am
carefully avoided. I am lifted from the ground
and placed before the stark canvas.
Paint to make the pain go away.
I use poetry to control the pain locked up inside of me, but it becomes an ugly cycle of avoidance and isolation. Healing through art cannot happen if you hide behind it and lose yourself to it. My pain cannot be captured in a couple stanzas on a page. I continue to bandage a leaking wound that just needs to be allowed to hurt, and allowed to experience healing. I can't justify the pain with a nice poem. I cannot justify it at all. It has to just be.  


allofmyconfusion's Profile Picture
Lo (Erin)
Artist | Literature
United States
Someday, somewhere - anywhere, you will find yourself. And that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life.
- Pablo Neruda

Muse Arts Online Magazine: March 2013
University New Forum Magazine: Fall 2012
Muse Arts Online Magazine: November 2012
University New Forum Magazine: Winter 2011
University New Forum Magazine: Fall 2011
Ponderosa Arts Magazine: 2009

Favourite genre of music: 60's folk, singer-songerwriter contemporary, country, 90's alternative
Personal Quote: "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." ~ Poe
Does anyone have any experience published poetry either as a collection or single entry in a magazine?
  • Mood: Artistic

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RiseandBe Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

Welcome to The #ComeTogetherProject!

We are so happy to have you with us. If you are excited to get involved, but don't know where to start browse through our journal, for some ideas. There, you can find ways to spread the love, get featured yourself, and many informative "How To" breakdowns on everything from leaving constructive comments to running a group or community project! First and foremost, we are here to serve the community, so if you have any questions, let us know!

If you have already been involved, have done collaborative art, or are excited to start, be sure to stop by our Gallery to submit your work and journals, or get ideas.

We can't wait to see what you have to contribute. :nod:

- Mo (*RiseandBe)
#ComeTogetherProject admin
Aerode Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations, you've been nominated for 1 category for our awards. Find out more here: [link].
Demosthenes-H Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
Hey there ;D

not going to lie; your DD has to be 6985345 times better than mine

'virtual high five' you're awesome

have a great day <3
MsPippa Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Student Writer
Hi there, and welcome to #ArtistsLittleCorner! We're super glad to have you aoard and truly hope that you stay with us for a while and make yourself at home. Pleas feel free to contact either myself or :iconhater12: with questions, or note the group and someone will be more than happy to help you. Also remember to check out our newest contest if you haven't already, because there are plenty of prizes to be won!

And once again, WELCOME! :D
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
thank you for the :+fav:!
TheWritingDragon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! :wave: Welcome to :iconpencountshuttercount: :D We're very glad to have you and hope you feel welcome here. :hug: If you ever have a problem, just let me know! I want this group to become something big, so if you would, please, can you maybe advertise the group’s icon in your journal or on your profile page? Thank you in advance if you take the time to do this, and don’t feel obligated to!!!

~Marissa, founder :heart:
Me2Smart4U Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
As U may know I am a co-founder of :iconpassionforpoetry:
and I wanted to welcome U to the group :boogie:
I believe to stop the flow of imagination in writing is like
stopping the Earth from spinning so we as writers
should all share the passion....
The #PassionforPoetry

A Big Welcome From
Hunden73 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Welcome to WantMoreWatchers!
mishihime Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for adding my art to your favorites. I appreciate your support! :iconfavbounceplz:
allofmyconfusion Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012   Writer
youre welcome :)
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