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About Literature / Artist Member Lo (Erin)Female/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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I used to paint to most beautiful canvases,
but my arms grew weak from the lack of blood,
and each piece would end with me collapsed
before it. Trauma has a way of lifting me
up just to drop me again. My trauma,
mine.  

The paintbrushes float in the buckets of blood;
the room’s beginning to smell of metal and rotten
sacrifice. I’m misplaced. I am small.

There is no such thing as an artist,
just a product, a desperation that people stare
at under exposed light. They make distant comments
about how it feels to have an insatiable life.
Do I make you feel whole? Is there anything
here for you?

Art is just a form of screaming,
and I’m out of breath from the years.
I have seen enough of Hell to paint
a thousand masterpieces, but my body
rejects this life I’m leading.


The audience steps over me as they exit
the exhibit. All of the doctors, the teachers,
the parents and children. I am left. I am
carefully avoided. I am lifted from the ground
and placed before the stark canvas.
Paint to make the pain go away.
Transience
I use poetry to control the pain locked up inside of me, but it becomes an ugly cycle of avoidance and isolation. Healing through art cannot happen if you hide behind it and lose yourself to it. My pain cannot be captured in a couple stanzas on a page. I continue to bandage a leaking wound that just needs to be allowed to hurt, and allowed to experience healing. I can't justify the pain with a nice poem. I cannot justify it at all. It has to just be.  
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I am easily twenty pounds overweight,
and my soul is a couple hundred under.
Everyone else has this heavy thing
that sits in their stomach and tells them
that they’re alive. I think the only reason
why mine hasn’t floated out my ear
yet is because my throat is blocked
by a coal of self hate. Maybe that is
the thumping I hear, my spirit
screaming. I always thought
it was my heart beat.

I can’t tell you why I am here,
and I can’t begin to explain who I am
because I know I’ll start to cry,
and I am trying to save up my tears
for something that’s socially appropriate
to cry over. Like a mass murder
or uplifting trending video on facebook; not,
definitely not because your succulents
aren’t arranged in the way
you wanted them to be.
I’m an ametur gardener
buried half alive in my own
half hearted attempts at having some
effect on this world. My arm
reaches out and paints my own
plot pot with a chevron design
in Robin’s egg blue.
God, I wish the soil was organic;
my girlfriend is going to be so upset with me.

If I was forced to describe myself
in one word, I would choose the word
echo. The sound balances in your mouth
and swims around in there unlike me,
who you usually spit out, except on special
occasions like my birthday or when we
are drunk. Like me however, echo
repeats what has already existed.
Do I even exist as a single entity?
I would say sometimes when I
am laying awake in bed at 4 am, yes.
When I am on my fourth episode of
Supernatural straight, I’d say no. You see,
when I am aware of it, I feel alone.
Does that make me an entity though?
No. It doesnt. I’m on repeat
of everything that has happened to me
in this 22 year abstract basement painting
of a life I’m living. From child abuse to
Disneyland, it’s all been a show I’ve seen
before. Echo - because I am a result,
and not a human. And I’m sorry that I
cannot come up with any witty way
to say it. Have you figured out
I’m the terrible person yet?

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allofmyconfusion's Profile Picture
allofmyconfusion
Lo (Erin)
Artist | Literature
United States
Someday, somewhere - anywhere, you will find yourself. And that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life.
- Pablo Neruda

Publications:
Muse Arts Online Magazine: March 2013
University New Forum Magazine: Fall 2012
Muse Arts Online Magazine: November 2012
University New Forum Magazine: Winter 2011
University New Forum Magazine: Fall 2011
Ponderosa Arts Magazine: 2009

Favourite genre of music: 60's folk, singer-songerwriter contemporary, country, 90's alternative
Personal Quote: "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." ~ Poe
Interests
Does anyone have any experience published poetry either as a collection or single entry in a magazine?
  • Mood: Artistic

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:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:iconcometogetherproject:

Welcome to The #ComeTogetherProject!

We are so happy to have you with us. If you are excited to get involved, but don't know where to start browse through our journal, for some ideas. There, you can find ways to spread the love, get featured yourself, and many informative "How To" breakdowns on everything from leaving constructive comments to running a group or community project! First and foremost, we are here to serve the community, so if you have any questions, let us know!

If you have already been involved, have done collaborative art, or are excited to start, be sure to stop by our Gallery to submit your work and journals, or get ideas.

We can't wait to see what you have to contribute. :nod:

- Mo (*RiseandBe)
#ComeTogetherProject admin
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:iconaerode:
Aerode Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations, you've been nominated for 1 category for our awards. Find out more here: [link].
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:icondemosthenes-h:
Demosthenes-H Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Student Writer
Hey there ;D

not going to lie; your DD has to be 6985345 times better than mine

'virtual high five' you're awesome

have a great day <3
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:iconmspippa:
MsPippa Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Student Writer
Hi there, and welcome to #ArtistsLittleCorner! We're super glad to have you aoard and truly hope that you stay with us for a while and make yourself at home. Pleas feel free to contact either myself or :iconhater12: with questions, or note the group and someone will be more than happy to help you. Also remember to check out our newest contest if you haven't already, because there are plenty of prizes to be won!

And once again, WELCOME! :D
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:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
thank you for the :+fav:!
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:iconthewritingdragon:
TheWritingDragon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello! :wave: Welcome to :iconpencountshuttercount: :D We're very glad to have you and hope you feel welcome here. :hug: If you ever have a problem, just let me know! I want this group to become something big, so if you would, please, can you maybe advertise the group’s icon in your journal or on your profile page? Thank you in advance if you take the time to do this, and don’t feel obligated to!!!

~Marissa, founder :heart:
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:iconme2smart4u:
Me2Smart4U Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Digital Artist
As U may know I am a co-founder of :iconpassionforpoetry:
and I wanted to welcome U to the group :boogie:
I believe to stop the flow of imagination in writing is like
stopping the Earth from spinning so we as writers
should all share the passion....
The #PassionforPoetry

A Big Welcome From
~April:heart:
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:iconhunden73:
Hunden73 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Welcome to WantMoreWatchers!
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:iconmishihime:
mishihime Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for adding my art to your favorites. I appreciate your support! :iconfavbounceplz:
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:iconallofmyconfusion:
allofmyconfusion Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2012   Writer
youre welcome :)
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